im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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