So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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