I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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