My liver just broke up with me...
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
