bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them