you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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