So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
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She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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