I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
should my penis look like a turkey
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
