I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
