We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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