then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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