Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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