well I can't set my house on fire every night
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
