So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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