Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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