I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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