Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
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I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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