I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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