Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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