So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she peed on how many people?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
