Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
