i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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