During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
