So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
