Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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