I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
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You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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