Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is it penis luge time yet?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
