apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
