Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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