Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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