god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml