im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.