i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?