i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.