STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
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I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you