a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.