What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
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as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
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I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Holy sore nipples Batman
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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