Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
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you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
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Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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