see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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