Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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