you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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