ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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