she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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