her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
