Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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