What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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