its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
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That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
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I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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