he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
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I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
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