I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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