Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
