I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize