Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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