You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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