I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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