i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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