the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
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It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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