apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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